Here are a few fun pictures

A Day of Great Mix Ups

Well, today has been a great day!

My morning started at 0500 when I woke up and got ready to head back outside the wire. I had to report to my duty office by 0600. At 0715, or so, we headed out to our area of operation and I basically played until 1130 or so. Today was Human Rights day and I had the privilege of working with the women and disabled today. It was such a treat. I also got to meet some of the other Fijians who are here and learned to say "How are you" in their language. Granted, I royally butchered their beautiful language, but it was fun attempting to learn it!

While we were there, the CDR & 1SG came out to visit and actually put our "combat" patch on us. It was pretty special. A sweet experience indeed. Sorry - no photos, because we were in a no photo area.

I also got to go to Union III to the "mall", as they call it. I just about broke out in hives when they said "mall". Ugh! But it was pretty much a bunch of really small shops cramped in an overcrowded building along with other vendors outside the small building. Man alive, they had some VERY beautiful handmade things there. There was a rug weaver out there and they were making handmade rugs right there! Insane! That is such a great gift! (Honestly, I don't think we "Americans" are domesticated enough... back to the basics people.... handmade gifts/crafts are always better!)

Meanwhile, back at the FOB... ha ha ha - that sounded like a comic book line! LOL! Okay, back to business... when I got back, I ate lunch, and went over to see if I could secure my gear that I left in my transport vehicle. While I was waiting, I ended up sewing some "loops" on a decorated rug for one of our LTs... but the most exciting??? I got asked to be a battle buddy with one of the SGTs to go on a tour of the IZ. (International Zone) Soooo... I went along with them. Needless-to-say, it was pretty fun. Here are a few pictures that we took at the "Cross Sabers". Oh! And the other picture is of some of the guys in our unit posing with their combat patch. Ha ha!

Let's see - OH! Tonight, I had it off since I worked this morning, I ended up going Salsa Dancing for an hour! I LOVED IT!!!! Seriously! Man alive, I walked in, it was only me - I saw the "DJ" who I also met yesterday at lunch, he thought I was Latina and started talking with me... anyway! Sammy was there and he already had music going, so we started dancing, and then Hernandez came and I started dancing on and off with both of them. It was soooo much fun! They were asking if I was going to start coming every Friday night, and I told them that it all depended if I had Friday nights off. (It was random that I had tonight off. Oh, and if I start typing random stuff, it's because I had a long day, and my brain is going faster than my fingers!)

Wait! One more thing... as I was walking home from watching some of my friends sing Karaoke, I smelled rain in the air! It was a beautiful smell!!!! Bring on the rain, baby!

Alright, have to go. One love~

Outside the Wire

Today was one of those days I wish I had a recording device hooked up to my brain and was recording my thoughts and "narration" as I went "outside the wire" today. To be honest, it was quite animated. Now, if only I were able to remember what half of those thoughts were - you'd be highly entertained yourself! :)

Work has been good. I've been able to get quite a bit of reading done since last Friday! I'm on page 184 - 33.63% of the way done! (I haven't even started reading yet tonight, so I'll increase that percentage for sure!) Oh, I began reading "New Moon"... yes, it's a girlie book... part of the "Twilight Saga". But hey... my old roomie: Keaton, got me liking the movies, and since this book was never opened... and FREE, I snapped it up and have been reading away! Tomorrow I have some time off in the morning, and may indulge in more of my girlie book after working out and breakfast. Ugh.

Today, as I was being cross-trained, I was standing in the sun quite a bit, and now have a half white/brown tan on my face. I look like a total freak!... I LOVE IT! (Not really. I hope you sensed the sarcasm in that.) But, I worked with two great soldiers and we had TONS of fun. OH! I got to meet people from Japan, Fiji, Samoa, New Zealand, Australia, Denmark, Britain, Italy, Germany, Canada "Eh" (ha ha ha- oh the good 'ole days), Korea.... I had a blast. When the next shift came on, I got to bond and be a dork with the next crew, too. I think they were more in shock to see me surfing and downhill skiing the security gate than anything. (I'll let you use your imagination on that.) Need-less-to-say, my play time came to an end when I had to come back to post. But I'm glad I made it a great day!

Oh, and not to mention.... my sleep schedule is alllll thrown off right now. I usually work from 4 - midnight every night, but had to report at 8 this morning, work from 3PM - 1AM tomorrow, 4 - midnight on Thursday, then Friday morning work 6AM - 4PM. I'm trying to stay up a little longer tonight so I can get my body readjusted to working late... or maybe I'll just take a nap tomorrow. :) Oh yeah.... naps are great! :)

What's new? Well, nothing much. I do pretty much the same thing every day, but I like to mix it up as to not get stuck in an obvious pattern of doing things. My day usually consists of some variation of working out, breakfast, shower, lunch, sleep, work, dinner, work, sleep. And then the random use of internet. There have been 2 days when I was sick that my schedule was pretty much: breakfast, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, work, dinner, work, sleep. Gosh I love my job!

Okay friends. Sorry it couldn't be more entertaining. I do have to get off the computer though.

Love from the sandbox!

Phone Usage

Well people, just to let you know, there is no USO here on post. AND no DSN to where most of my family live. Thus, if you don't get a phone call this next year - don't be heartbroken about it. Calling cards don't work here, either. So! We're back to snail mail, and the occasional e-mail. Thus, here's my address again:

PFC Baclayon
B BTRY 1-148 FA BN
FOB Prosperity
APO, AE 09348

Big hopes, eh?!?

Duty Station Overseas

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!

Here's a little funny: Today, I woke up and it was still early evening on the West Coast. Tonight, at dinner, I was watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV! Cracked me up!!!

Just letting you know that I made it to my final duty station in Iraq. My FOB is quite small, but there are a lot of things that I can get involved in, and am looking forward to it. For example, I went to the gym tonight to take a gander, and inquired about the different classes that are being taught, and they only have an aerobic class available Monday, Wednesdays & Fridays. I guess they used to have a YOGA class, but the instructor left and the class died. Sooooo, I was talking with the Zumba instructor in Kuwait, and she said that I should teach it here. Luckily, or maybe NOT so luckily, they don't have a Zumba class or instructor here. SOOOOO, since I have "become a certified Zumba instructor" on my life list of goals, Denise (from the gym) said that if I wanted to start a Zumba class, I would just need to have the music, and I could use the old yoga studio! HOW cool would that be! Sweet!

Anyway, I'm a bit tired. I've been up since 0230 and it's 1911. We've been traveling all day. My hands are red, bruised, and tired from loading, unloading, and moving bags around everywhere!!!! Sucks to be a good battle buddy sometimes!

OH, and in the smack-dab in the middle of our 2 mile round FOB, is a palace. It was one of the first structures that was bombed here. It's GORGEOUS! The reliefs and architecture, and painting is sooo exquisite! I'll have to take pictures of it one day and send it over. Or, maybe I'll just post it on my little blog. (Speaking of which, I'm going to put a little ditty on there right now. Actually, probably just a cut and pace from this e-mail.)

I won't be able to get on the computer very often for the next little bit. Not sure when I start working my shifts, however, I think tomorrow I start meeting the people we are taking over for. It'll be an adventure for sure. Will blog again when I can.

Pili girl~

In a New Land

Boy- there is nothing but sand here. Miles and miles of sand.... desert. I wish I could post photographs of where we are, however, there is a "No Photographs" rule. Oh well, such is life.

The time here is 10:45 am. I've been awake for many hours. I think I figured it was something like 8 - 10 hours of sleep I've had in 3 days or so. I totally forgot about the day change as well, and thought today was still Wednesday! We are here at our transition area for about a week. We have to walk EVERYWHERE! I love it! But the time difference is definitely a killer! I'm trying to stay awake as much as possible, so I can get on a regular sleeping schedule with this new time zone.

Not-to-mention, when I'm walking, standing, sitting... I still feel like I'm on an airplane, and am still moving. Such a weird feeling.

But, I made it safe.

Okay, have to go. Time is up on the computer. (My typing has slowed, since I don't use the computer often any more.) :(

One love to all!!!

Waiting for Departure

Welcome we' lads... though I cannot say where my adventures are taking me, I was never told I couldn't give hints. I am currently in the land where gold is found at the end of the rainbow.

Okay!!! Moving on!

Well, last night I was able to speak with my family for a brief moment. I wish I had more time to make calls.

As we are here at our layover... I have about 2 minutes to be on the computer. And what do I choose to do? Blog. I know... kind of lame.

Never-the-less, please know that I love you all heaps.

Mainly, I just wanted to post my address for overseas:

PFC Baclayon

B-BTRY 1-148 FA BN

FOB Prosperity, Iraq

APO AE 09348

Hugs, kisses, love and light to everyone! Stay well!

Photos from Training

Here are some photos from our training. I'm not going to explain what they are. However, I hope you enjoy them.

Updates on my Adventures

First and foremost: please do not send any more mail to me in Mississippi. I'll post my address for overseas as soon as I get it.

Secondly, I'm glad I can finally get on here and do some updating.

Thirdly, I'm currently sitting in my room, feet propped up, TV watching me, fireplace going and sporting civilian pjs. Man alive- life is good right now. :)

I am on pass until Wednesday, and the only thing I have planned.... a massage for tomorrow. I'm so thankful that everything has been prepaid. I am absolutely in love with my room. I couldn't have asked for a better room to be in. Oh yeah... I'm staying at a little Bed & Breakfast, literally in the middle of nowhere. This is the first time I've rented a room from a Bed & Breakfast, but am falling in love with the idea to fulfill one of my goals in life: to run a Bed & Breakfast on a 10 acre ranch with a massage center. How amazing would that be!

Training here as been good and worth it. I apologize if I do not share what we've been doing, but I hope you understand, it is not my privilege to share.

On a lighter note... I got an email from our Public Affairs NCO for the 116th Calvary Brigade Combat Team. She was in receipt of some photos I had taken of our training. (If you did not know, I was asked to be our unit's photographer.) Well, her e-mail asked if she could submit some of my photos to the Department of the Army and the Department of Defense to be used for media and website publishing. She also asked if if I could continue submitting pictures while overseas. What a great honor that was. SO! I'll put some of my photos here, and you may even see some of them used for military purposes too!

This is my blog for the night. Hopefully I can make another blog before heading overseas. One love to all, p~

Updates on my

Moving On...

Tonight I had a tender mercy from the Lord.

I've learned that sometimes, the Lord doesn't just give you the easy way out of things- even when you know what the choice or decision is "supposed" to be. Sometimes, the tender mercy is necessary for you to fight for what you really want. Why the Lord does what he does, I don't know, but He knows best.

Moral of the story- the Lord won't always give you the easy way out of lives choices, even if you don't deserve it. But He does it because His ways are not our ways, and His laws are higher than our laws. He is the Master and has already been preparing the way for us to accomplish His purposes. I don't always understand His choices, but I do know that He has always wanted more in my life than I've wanted for my own.

To understand the will of the Lord is to loose your OWN plans and find the courage to Trust and have Faith in Him. Finding Hope.... indeed I am.

Living in the Now & Eggs

Week one...

It seems a little weird to think that I've only been here in Mississippi for one week. The time has slowly passed. I find myself focused on my little day-to-day tasks and not so much as to what's going on at home, with the family, with friends, or too far in the future. I think, for the first time in my life, I'm actually living in the NOW. A strange, yet, comforting experience.

Since being here, I've had the opportunity to view the local wild life. On Kaua'i we have chickens. In Idaho, it's the field rats, elk, and occasional stray dog. In Mississippi, it's the skunks. Yes, dear friends, there are skunks galore. Strange indeed.

Unfortunately, the food has not gotten better - however, it's free right? So, I really shouldn't be complaining. BUT, let me tell you a little story about what happened at one of the"Breakfast Club" meetings. And as many of you know, I'm not a very good story teller, so you'll have to bear with me. I'll try to remember to add in the "applause", "laugh", etc... when appropriate. :)

So, the other morning, Allen, Sgt Wallace and I sat down to breakfast. **oohhh** ("The Breakfast Club" as Sgt Wallace indicated one morning.) We signed in on yet another roster, received our breakfast for the morning (trying to vary and change up the same breakfast for the past week is a little difficult), placed my tray down, went back for fruit, yogurt, and my liquids. There. I was ready to eat! **applause**

I made a comment that there was a lot of butter on my grits and proceeded to push the in-view cholesterol to the side. Hm, well, the eggs look a bit better- especially since I dolled it up with cheese! Glorious cheese! **applause** I dip my fork and bring the delightful looking contents to my lips. Chomp-chomp... spit! Ugh! **gasp** I spat out my eggs on my tray and the rest in my napkin. Allen and Sgt Wallace were staring at me with that... "um, that's a little rude" look. I began to smile and maybe even chuckled... I gave a quick light-hearted laugh and told them that I just ate stick of butter. **laugh, knee slap, applause, laugh harder**

"WHAT!", was the reply. Much to our amazement, I moved the remaining cheese to the side, and there you go- in my eggs there was an ever so slowly melting stick of butter! **laugh**

I knew that our eggs were imitation eggs, but I didn't think they'd make "butter" try to taste like eggs and then feed it to us! LOL!!!! Point being - these southern folk reaaallllyyyyy love their butter!

Moral of the story - eat hard boiled eggs!

Camp Shelby...

Landed in Mississippi safely. Slept off and on while on the plane and bus.

Getting settled in a little... the barracks are, well - barracks', and yeah. That's about it for that one.

Dining Facility- it's food.

And, yeah, that's about it.

Here's a friend. I'll let him type a little something: Hello Hope fans, This is your temporary fill in Allen, and let me tell you what I've been here for a few days down here in Mississippi and DANG its a hot muggy beast. I'm excited to work with Pili for the next year and maybe just maybe she will let me write on here again... :)

Ha ha ha! No, Allen- you can't write on here EVER again. Just kidding.

Allen is a great person. He helped me get on the internet so I'll be able to get on here periodically.

Alright friends... remember to write! The address is a couple of entries down. Please write.

One love, p~

Thoughts on Leaving

It's 4:27AM in the morning. Tuesday, 21 September 2010. I'm supposed to leave for deployment and report to the airport before 7AM... just hours away.

Obviously, I can't sleep.

Honestly, I haven't even started packing my gear.

Not quite sure what it is that makes me think - "No worries. I got this." However, that's where my brain is at currently. I'm pretty sure, at this point, I should be stressing out about not having my things done. But, instead, I am here... blogging my little brain away while multi-tasking the following:

-compressing the movies I've purchased online

-laundry

-transferring music from my cds to my iTunes

-occasionally transferring gear from downstairs to the living room

-organizing my electronics

-fighting the head nodding monster (I'm awake, I'm falling asleep, I'm awake, I'm falling asleep)

-eating a late night snack and

-packing my boxes that I am having sent to myself overseas (I know... I'm weird)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These past few days I've had the opportunity to meet with some friends to say goodbye. And although it was soooo very nice to be with them again, it was also a little sad. Unfortunately, I haven't done my usual rounds of seeing EVERYONE and giving them all goodbye hugs. It's been a little difficult.

You see, I've learned, recently, that I really don't like saying "goodbye" to people. It seems I have a downfall- being social and knowing a lot of people.... waaaaay too many people to say "so long" to. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but the finality of it all is what tends to get me these days. Sometimes saying goodbye just... well, it sucks.

I've reflected back to my high school days of when I went to attend Kamehameha Schools, a private boarding school on O'ahu, and how it felt when I left my beautiful Kaua'i. Every time I returned home and visited with friends, it was if they moved on without me in their lives. (As it should be, because obviously, I wasn't there.) Or when my family had to leave because my dad was being stationed in a new area. It seems that I've grown up doing the leaving. And although it seems that my life has been based on this pattern of voyaging out on new adventures and after a period of time, I "leave"- I'm hoping this time will be a little different.

If I physically did not say goodbye to you or embrace you with a warm hug- please accept my apologies. It's not that I'm "trying" to be rude on purpose, I just needed to focus on what was ahead and not who or what I am leaving behind. Trust me, I would have loved to have thrown a huge party and have everyone there, but I didn't.

SO, if you are reading this, PLEASE know that I love you all very much. I truly do. I am thankful for the time I've had you in my life. I look forward to returning and hearing about all of your fun and exciting adventures too.

Be safe and stay well.

Much love, Pili girl~

Address for P in Mississippi

Hey friends and family!!!

Alrighty then, here's the address where I'll be while continuing my training state side. PLEASE feel free to send letters... even if it's just a smiley face on a piece of paper. :0) Would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear from you!

PFC Hope "Pili" Baclayon

B-BTRY, 1-148th FP, 116th CBCT

Bldg 2490, 25th Street

Camp Shelby, MS 39407

You can start sending mail now. *hint-hint*

Hawai'i No Ka 'Oe!!!

Today I was blessed to be able to come to beautiful Hawai'i Nei. Man alive, it's such a wonderful feeling to be home. Even if it's just for a few days & change... it was worth it. A good place to be to get ready to head out overseas.

Will blog more at a later date, and possibly put pictures on here of my nieces and family.

Love it!

"Beautiful"

Not exactly sure how much of myself I should be pouring into this blog, however, since I've been doing it for the past few years, I guess now would be a little too late to start thinking about that, huh?!? However, since we are in the age of technology, I guess I can use this to my advantage to have others get to know me. Not just the me that I portray on the outside, but the matters of the heart and mind.

I was once sitting in an ROTC class, and one of my instructors taught on time management, and what we do with our time... long story short- if we write in a journal, or write our thoughts down two things happen. 1. We can better manage and organize what's on our mind, and 2. We can see what is really important in our lives. Yes friends, what we write about is usually what is important to us. If not, then we wouldn't write about it.

I guess you all should be grateful that you get a bit of insight into my brain, heart, and life. (A bit scary to be so vulnerable, but, I think more scary that you'll actually read this! Ha!)

So here you go!

I'm sitting in the SLC airport, and randomly chose a song from my newly purchased and downloaded album of India.Aire, and the song "Beautiful" is perfect in every way.

The first little part of the song has a very simple and moving guitar intro. Then, the words piped in:

"The time is right, I'm gonna pack my bags

And take that journey down the road

Cause over the mountain I see the bright sunshine

And I want to live inside the glow"

How expressive it is of how I feel, especially since I booked last minute flights to see my family in California and then in Hawai'i. (And, especially embarking on my new upcoming military journey/adventure.)

But, when the lyrics about "...over the mountain I see the bright sunshine..." The sun just started to crest over the mountains on my left. Creeping, rising slowly- inviting everyone to greet the dawn, the magic, and the possibilities of a new day. A testament of God's love stating that all your cares and woes from the previous night's sunset can be washed away- a new slate to make your own new mistakes, hiccups, adventures, and to fall in love with the wishes, hopes, and dreams that God has for you/me/us to discover- today.

Yes, friends and family, if the soul is overtaken by the darkness and the long drawn out chill of the night- sometimes, you just have to wait it out, get through it, embrace it- for on the morrow, the sun certainly rises again. Ever ready to help you greet the new day. I'm sure if the Sun had a chance, it would pray that we would just hold on/hang in there until the morrow- so it can come "over the mountain so we can see the bright sunshine".

So breathe in, embrace the day, and know that the sun will always rise again. So Beautiful.

New Blog Title

Yes friends and family, the new title of my blog will be "Finding Hope"... well, the new title at least for the next year. It definitely holds a double meaning... if anyone can figure it out. ;)

Just finished AT a few days ago, and what an adventure that was. So many ups and downs with life, and learning about my strengths and weaknesses both inside and outside of the Army. At times I think the phrase "growing pains" is not used as often as it should. No matter what age in life you are, "growing pains" is exactly that... "pains". Never-the-less, with life, we learn things, and we grow, and we become a beautiful phoenix rising up from the ash filled earth to fly and soar through the breathtaking skies.

I've realized, in the Army, that sometimes I can get lost in all the hooah-hooah day-to-day things, that I forget about what's really important to me, and what my focus should be. Soooooooooooo, this coming year, deployment year, it's going to be spent rediscovering me. All the goods, bads, rights, and wrongs. I'm excited and nervous, at the same time, for this "re"self-discovery process. It should definitely give me the ride of my life!

And for all who still read this, I am contemplating closing my Facebook account for the deployment year. For sure, my phone will be shut off beginning December. (Won't be using it overseas.) I'm just taking personal security precautions, since I'll be in semi-safe/unsafe territory.

So, having said that, I'll blog as much as I can while in Mississippi, and then overseas. One love to all, and God bless. Make good choices~

Future Adventures

Don't know if anyone is reading this... but if you still are - thanks for following still.

Just a little update on my life:

... I've been working at the Rexburg Armory for the past three weeks. It first started off with getting a bunch of online training done, before deployment. Now, it's turned into office work. Of which, I don't mind at all. :)

... I'm currently in Boise, with the Advanced Party for "AT" (annual training), and am having the opportunity to just chill and relax a bit. We moved all of our vehicles from MATES out to the FOB "Lowe - almost all day. No lunch. Felt a little weak from no food, but dinner was DIVINE! Had Subway for supper, then went to Albertsons and got some food to last these next couple of days. Sad thing is... I've been munching on it almost all night.

... Let's face it packing for deployment, for a whole year, sucks - not fun. If you had half a duffel bag and a small footlocker to pack anything fun, or "extra", with you overseas... what would you take? Since this is my first deployment, I'm a little egg-brained with what I should and should not bring. Thank goodness for friends though. Some friends have been kind enough to let me in on some good tips, and ideas.

... Letting go of love. Man alive - what do I blog about that. Lol!!! I've learned that opening the heart is a beautiful risk that can sometimes be painful. But a lovely pain worth going through. I've been lucky enough to fall in love twice in my life. So lucky indeed. I fear - this one will be harder to let go. And that's okay. I am definitely a better person because of him.

... Overseas - don't know an address yet, however, I'll post it on here once I know what it is.

Okay folks, it's late, and I have an early morning. One love~

Welcome Home & See ya Later!!!

Well, I got back to Idaho late Saturday night. It's been an adventurous ride.

I'm going to keep this brief:

Got back from BCT & AIT - and....

I'm shipping back out.

I get to deploy with my unit in September, and will be overseas for a year.

I love you all heaps, and hope you all the best. Hopefully I'll be able to write more while overseas.

Until then- Much love, Pili girl~

The Adventures Continue...

Well friends and family, I am here, in humid Missouri. BCT was definitely a difficult one. Not so much the training, but the people. It's amazing how the people can either make or break the experience that you're having.

The physicality of it all wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Granted, there were about 2 ruck marches that I felt definitely inadequate, but I trudged through all of them, and never left a soldier behind.

AIT is another story. We have a lot of down time here, and I almost don't know what to do with myself. It's unfortunate that we have to do deep cleaning on Sundays, making church attendance difficult. Not to mention, especially when church is from 10 - 1pm, and then trying to find someone to go with you, when you're the only member in the entire company! Blah. Oh well.

This weekend I've been pretty sick. Right now I am medicated, :) , and was able to make it to the USO. (Trying to find out information on registering for this coming semester.) But, still, would rather have been at church.

More than anything, I just wanted to wish all of my father friends, and father figures a very Happy Father's Day. I hope this is the best Father's Day ever. You all deserve it, and wish I could be there to spend it with you. (Well, some of you anyway... like- my brothers and dad.) ha ha ha ha

One love, p~

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!

Before you know it, it'll be April Fool's Day, then Memorial Day, Mother's/Father's Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and finally Christmas! Can you believe that it's already the 17th of March?!? The time certainly flies by!!!

Also, yesterday, I went to my unit to discuss when I'd be leaving for BCT. Since I've had two deaths in the family of blood relatives, they were concerned that I wouldn't be ready to ship. Honestly, I didn't want to ship so soon, but left it up to my body fat taping. I was 2% under my allotted body fat. Meaning... I am off to Ft. Sill, OK on Monday morning!!!!

I fly out to Oakland, CA on Friday, back to Idaho on Sunday morning (around 1 am), then work on Monday, and then... gone until August!

AAAAHHHHHH! I'm so excited, and yet... soooo nervous!

I am definitely going to miss people. Especially... well... yes. I will miss you too my friend. (Not that you'd ever read this.) ;)

Peace people!

The Passing of a Loved One

Some of you may know, and some of you may not know.

My favorite uncle, Uncle Randall Kau'i Alesna, passed away quickly on Friday, 12 March 2010 at 12:36 P.M.

Funeral is in Hayward, California - This Saturday.

I don't know how much more our hearts can take. This hurts, and it sucks - but then again, that's life I guess.

The ARRNG Countdown

The joy of trying to get everything done before shipping out…

Some of you may know that I enlisted in the Army National Guard.

My ship date is Monday, 22 March 2010. I will conduct my basic training in Oklahoma, and will then complete my follow up advanced training in Missouri.

To be honest, I’m starting to get a bit nervous about going. I’ve had a foot injury for over a month and have not been able to do my PT (cardio stuff) since then. This sucks – seriously. But, these last two weeks, I am spending as much free time as I can working my butt off. Whether it’s in the pool, on the treadmill, elliptical, spinning bike, pounding pavement, or the sauna…. I’m there!

Life is getting a bit crazier, with barely time to breathe and relax, but I think I’m hanging there.
Any words of encouragement from people in the military are welcome. (Even if you’re not in the military and have any advice etc., feel free to send it over.)

Oh, and if I don’t write again before I leave, I’ll see you all in August.

Emotions...

Obviously I've not blogged in a while.

A short wrap up on the past month or so:

- grandpa passed away
- aunts and uncles are fighting about the funeral and materialistic things
- friends are moving away
- funeral this weekend for grandpa
- heart was ripped out of my chest today
- injured toe (still)
- co-worker is getting married (yay!)
- trying to get life in order at work for when I leave
- getting military things in order (fast ship)
- trying to keep focused and motivated
- ROTC lab at Camp Williams on March 19 -20, 21- drill, 22-leave for MEPS, 23- leave for reception, 24- start reception (BCT)
- needing to get all of my homework done in two weeks
- sometimes, just need a friend
- trying to keep my head on straight
- uncle has little time left to live
- decision to know/not know if uncle passes away while I'm at BCT

I'm sure none of this makes sense. But, if you can figure it out- that's what's going on in my life.

One Love~

Little Goodbyes

On Monday, I caught a last minute flight back to Rexburg. (I was getting antsy and decided it was time to come back home.)


Wednesday morning, I get a call from my mom... My grandfather finally passed away.


I had to call my brother, Enoka, because my mom couldn't get a hold of him. Later that day he told me that my three older niece and nephews were taking the news well, except the last nephew. Fatso was having a hard time with Papa's death.


Needless-to-say, I've been okay, except when I've been talking to family members. It's soooo hard to talk to them- to hear them cry. I do, however, tend to save my tears until I'm off the phone.


I've designated this weekend as the time when I'll mourn, but I've been finding it a bit harder than I thought.


I keep telling myself that I'm okay and that I'll have my time to cry later. But who am I kidding? When someone is mourning, the best time to mourn is when you're feeling it. Suppressing the feelings only drags out the hurt and the pain more. Sometimes, we lash out at the people who are only trying to help us, and that's not healthy either.

To cry or not to cry... that is the question.

Watching Grass Grow

The other night, while my mom and I were talking, I expressed to her that the only other thing that is more boring that watching and waiting for someone to pass on, is watching and waiting for grass to grow.

Some of you may think that's a little insensitive to say about my dying grandfather, but it's true. Mom and I both had a good chuckle about it.

Last night was a good night, though. Mom had some of her musician and hula friends over. They played music, danced hula, and filled the home with lots of music and laughter. I reversed the baby monitors so Papa could hear what was going on in the front room.

My cousin Annie-Mac was also able to help Uncle Randall, my mom's brother, get set up with Skype on his computer. So, we had the computer going with Uncle Randall and Annie Mac, my mom and I in the room with Papa, and Uncle Sandford and Auntie Aulani on the other telephone and we were telling stories. Later, Uncle Sandford and Auntie Aulani were playing the 'ukulele and singing. It was a beautiful sound.

Still Breathin'

Happy 10th anniversary of my grandmother's passing.

Grandpa is still alive and breathing.

He's a stubborn cuss that's for sure. But, that's the beauty of being "The Boss". He's cute.

Today I'm getting out of the house. Too much cabin fever! I'm heading to Vegas to catch a movie or something. Ooooo... Actually, The Golden Spoon sounds really good. Frozen yogurt! Mmmmm!!!!

I think a huge part of me being antsy here is probably due to me having a hurt ligament in my foot and not being able to workout. BLAH! Wretched foot! Oh well. Such is life.

Here's to being sane and getting out of the house!

One love~

A Tender Moment

Tonight I'm pulling night shift since Auntie Candy pulled night shift last night via Skype. Just before I got on to blog, I got to see a very tender moment.

My mother didn't like the way his hair looked, so she got out the hair goop and brush and did his hair up. Then she kissed his head and said, "There you go daddy. You like that don't you? That must feel much better." Then, as she was heading out for the shower, she fixed his blanket and started to softly weep. "I don't know what I'm going to do when he's gone. I need to go visit the grandchildren and keep myself busy. I've been doing this for 24/7, and it's going to be hard not having him. He's the last parent. The last grandparent."

I don't think blogging can fully capture the tender moment between a daughter and a dying father.

Tomorrow makes exactly 10 years since my grandmother passed away. If he doesn't pass away by then, then I'm not exactly sure why he's still fighting. But, he's always done things on his own time anyway.

Tonight the dog has been pretty erratic also. Jumping up in the air, and being very clingy. The time is getting close. It's evident.

I'm praying that everyone who wanted/needed to say goodbye made their call in to Papa.

Well, I'm sure I have a long night ahead of me, and I'll probably be back on here blogging more information. (I'm at a lack of emotions at the moment. Not that it's bad-but my time to mourn will come later. But it will come.)

Still Kicking... Literally

This morning, as I entered my grandfather's room, I heard rustling going on. I moved around the side of the bed and there on the side-turned laptop, I saw my Auntie Candy doing her homework on Skype!

Obviously my parents didn't wake me up to pull the night shift on my grandfather. Instead, my Auntie watched him all night so the rest of us here could get some sleep! Thank goodness for technology, eh?!?! Why we hadn't thought of this sooner is beyond me.

Thus far this mornng, Papa opened his eyes once, farted, and has been having leg twitches. His body has been cooling down and his urine has been a very deep red. All things considered, I hope he passes today.

Will keep all of you family and friends updated as it progress or digresses.

Telephone Calls from Loved Ones

Well, it's day two since being in Nevada.

Last night I feel asleep on the couch- trying to nurse my pulled ligament in my foot. Being that I feel asleep early I also pulled night duty for my grandfather. During the night I could hear him moaning with some pain. I gave him his meds every 1 and 3 hours as directed. He slept well throughout the night. Even now, he lays in a supine position, eyes have darkened, cheeks sunken.

One of the blessings, I guess, of dying slowly, is that it allows other people to call in and say their thank you's and goodbye's. I was able to hear from a few of my mother's cousins, and my grandfather's cousins. It was great. During one of the calls, one of the hospice nurses got teary eyed. He hadn't heard so many people express their love and appreciation to someone like our family has been doing. Basically - Welcome to our family.

It's been sweet and rewarding to be here.

Today I spoke with my uncle and we were talking about grieving. Apparently people have been getting upset with him because he hasn't shown some sort of "grief". However, people need to understand that not everyone grieves the same. Some will wail with tears, others will cry silently, and others will mourn at a later time. Point is - we'll all grieve in our own way.

I feel - I'll grieve when I get back to Rexburg next week. And, that's okay.

The Final Days

Well, some of you may know that my last living grandfather is now in his final days.

I am currently in Nevada assisting my parents with the care of the grandpa, and also helping them take care of themselves. It's been a long road for them- for all of us.

I flew in to Las Vegas last night, and initially got 4 hours of sleep with an hour sleep here and there since this morning. I'm running errands, talking to family members, assisting the hospice nurses and making arrangements for his passing. As odd as this may sound, I actually was able to administer my first suppository this morning. It's a good thing a part is just a part - because I'm not sure everyone can do what I've been doing these past 14 hours or so.

Work and school have been working with me and have been very understanding in my situation. I got things cleared and booked the next available ticket out here. (One way of course. I'm not putting a time line when to return to work, but I did let them know that I will probably be gone for a week.) Between studying for school, working out, helping my parents, and taking care of my grandfather - I have a feeling I'm going to be very busy.

I don't expect my grandfather to make it past this weekend, but you never know. He's already gone into renal failure, cannot eat/drink, is restless, and seeing people from the other side. I'm not sure who or what he's waiting on, but I hope he goes comfortably and soon.

Please pray for my family members that they will be comforted and can help one another through this.

One love~

Honest Reflections

Tonight was a night of sorts.

I almost had to break up a fight between a father and a son.

In my honest reflections of tonight's events, I've come to the conclusion that mental and verbal abuse is just as bad, if not - has longer lasting affects on someone than physical abuse.

Would I dare to let an event, such as this evening, keep me from getting married? No. But, it makes me take a deeper look into what I want in a companion, how I want to raise my children, and how to effectively communicate.

I don't have all the answers to: Will I ever see my son again? What do I do now? What have I done wrong? Will I loose the rest of my children?

What I do know and have an answer to is this: I can only give my heart to someone that I can feel comfortable and safe with. I know that I will get an attitude once in a while and maybe raise my voice a bit. But I also know that it's not in me to attack mentally, physically, verbally, or emotionally a person and deliberately cut him/her down. I know I'm not always right. I know I'm not perfect. But I have a lot of love to give, and that's what I want to focus on. The Love.

Let us all take an honest reflection of how we're living our life, tweak what needs to be tweaked, tighten a bolt where it needs to be tightened, and learn to laugh at our self.

Yes. For crying out loud, laugh once in a while!

Exerpts from the Love Journal

Yes people, if you forgot, I do have a "love journal". I promise it's not bogged down with mushy stuff or the thoughts of a hopeless romantic. It's something for the future Mr. Pili girl! hee hee. It's so he can get to know me better. (It contains my deepest/darkest secrets!) j/k. Just thoughts that I thought I would share with him if we were together right now.

So, I thought I'd put some of my Pili girl randomness on here because we all know how much I love to be "random"! ha ha ha And if you can't handle my openness, then skip to the next blog. =)

"- I don't like chocolate except on certain times of the month. (True statement)
- Diamonds are overrated. (Don't care for them... if you want me to feel like an 8 cow wife, give me the 8 cows!)
- Don't ever touch the knees... ever! (Reflex- usually ends up with a pulled back fist.)
- Shaving legs is not always an enjoyable task.
- Star gazing is romantic!
- Creator of the pantyhose should be shot!
- Sorry - I don't always like wearing make-up
- My favorite colors: green, blue, brown.
- Roses. Roses are used too openly and to me, don't really mean a lot. (Especially red roses. But, you give me a black rose, and I'm all yours!)
- I like plumerias.
- I like to get in touch with my inner-child, so don't be surprised if I bust out singing "I'm going on a lion hunt..."
- I like to belch out loud.
- Farting: it's a bodily function. (It happens...)
- Holding me is sometimes better than a kiss.
- Turn down the lights and read a book with me.
- Snoring: yes, even females do it... I hope I don't do it often. (It's embarrassing.)
- PMS: I apologize in advance.
- Favorite Drink: water
- I love giving service: One of my favorite times of giving service was the Chicago Urban Studies program at BYU-I."

Well friends and family, that's all you get for now. Maybe I'll post more of my randomness from the Love Journal on here at a later date.

PAZ!

Changing of the guard...

It's a new year with bright/wonderful possibilities. A chance to turn over a new leaf and start things fresh and new! (Not unless you live in Rexburg, then it's plowing through snow and slush - but hey... who's complaining?) =)

2009 held many stepping stones. There was a lot of growth that happened, and a lot of self discovery, and healing.

Although I don't do New Year's Resolutions, I do, however, set goals. Goals that are both meaningful, attainable, and another thing to check off of my life list of goals to accomplish.

Even though it's already the 2nd of January, I don't have my goals set just yet, but I know I need to do that very soon since I'm leaving for BCT in 3 months. This year, I'm going to attempt to make goals on all sides of my box. Meaning: Emotional, physical, financial, Mental/Spiritual. I might post some of the goals on here at a later time if anyone wants to follow up with me on how they are going.

Anyway, New Year's was good. I spent it with many of my dear friends. I do have to say that junk food is no bueno. I had a little junk food this past break, and my body is screaming at me. It just feels yucky. So bring on the fruits and veggies!!!!

Okay, so there's a bunch of randomness for you all.

Peace!