Heart and Soul - and a slap in the face...

So, most of you know (or at least those who still read this) that I am a Massage Therapist. I love my job and what I do. I love being able to bring relief, comfort and joy to other's lives through the healing touch. For me, Massage Therapy is what saved my life after being overseas. It's helped me with my transition and how to connect with people again.

So, I've been pouring my heart and soul into my work and doing my best to make ends meet. I work my butt off to cover other therapist's shifts, pull 12 hour double days when needed, come in on my days off, take over for others when an emergency is needed. It's because I LOVE what I do. However, I need to feel that there's an equal exchange of energy for the value of my skills and time.

Well, I received my pay check today from doing 35.5 massage hours in two weeks. Sounds like a lot, huh? You'd think that would be a pretty penny, right? Wrong. I felt like I got slapped in my face with such a low paying paycheck making less than a quarter of what the National average is for someone in my field, per hour.

I walked out of work and needed a place to calm down. I was disgruntled. I found myself going to Vianna's Nature's Path instead of heading somewhere for a drink. I had a friend make me a drink, and found that I was getting rather emotional and didn't know exactly how I felt about that. Tears started flowing and I turned away so others couldn't see me cry. I was given a hug by my friend Taylor, and the hurt just started to overwhelm me - I found that I started holding on tighter. Not like me. I let go, and had to get back to work. (I was thankful for the hug.)

In the break room, before taking my next client, I started to cry again. This time, I was holding my mouth to try not to weep. I don't know why I was so emotional, but I know that if I value what I do, I can't allow myself to keep having this inner struggle about my personal ethics and what I am going to allow others to dictate regarding my professional value.

Thus, this coming month, July... is going to be MY month. A transformation month, with a new job in site, a month of gratitude, a month of personal wellness and clarity. A month to move ahead and stop keeping myself back. I'm taking back July, and it'll be fantastic. I'm first starting with my attitude... and I "choose" not to be a victim of my circumstances. I am going to change it! And, it's going to start with me.

My Battle Buddy...

Two days ago I got an e-mail from my battle buddy who is serving overseas. I can't tell you how happy I was to hear from him and to know that he is alive and well.

Every day, since the last December, I always look at his unit patch that he gave me and ask God and our guardian angels/Spirit guides - to watch over him and keep him safe. There's not a day that goes by that he hasn't been on my mind.

For me, I was reminded when I was overseas and how he was home with his family - living life. Now, the roles have reversed and he is fulfilling his duties, and I am here... Thinking. Wondering. Hoping. Praying. Missing him. Our bond is special- we went to Basic and AIT together. We've been with each other through the crappy and good times, and not to mention, during the stinky, sweaty, and horribly looking times as well. (There's NOTHING cute about female "BCG"s.) Now, we've both supported each other through our respective deployments. To me- he is an inspiration, a loving father, a dedicated and motived Soldier, a hard worker, and a wonderful man.

He is my Battle; and Battle Buddies are forever.

Orando, con todo mi corazón.

Christmas 2011 - Fond memory

Merry Christmas everyone!!! Well, I guess we could have Christmas in June! ha ha ha

May I say - what a difference a year and a half has made.

In 2011, I was overseas in Iraq serving my God and my Country - hopefully for the benefit and upliftment of others who were oppressed by the selfishness of foolish men. I have had some time to reflect, yesterday and today, of some of the things that I was doing last year. One of my fond moments was playing "Santa in Iraq".

On Christmas Eve, when I finished working, I got all of the candy out of our headquarters, took it back to my CHU to separate and organize it. I counted out the candy etc, then proceeded with a huge bag of candy and tape then went to every CHU within our unit's area and put candy on all of the doors. It was about 0330 by the time I got back to my room.

In the morning, I could hear SGT D. Hall asking people if they knew who put candy on their door - no one knew. I walked outside nonchalantly and SGT Hall came up to me, put his arms on my shoulders while asking me if I put candy on his door. (Of course I said no...) He then proceeded to tell me that he was Skyping with his children and they asked him if Santa left him any presents in Iraq. "No. Santa didn't find me over here." When he walked out his door and saw a bunch of Christmas candy taped to his door, he called his children back and told them that "Santa found me! He left me candy all over my door!"

To me, that was quite the highlight of my Christmas in Iraq. To be honest... I miss being there. The work, the purpose, the mission.

Need You Now (How Many Times)...

I don't know how many times I've said these exact words this last year and a half. Lately it seems like I pray, cry, sing things words more often than I thought.

To those who are dealing with life, life's little hiccups, victimized by the Boston Marathon Bombings, depression, PTSD, family struggles, war, separations, lost loved ones, health issues, stress - this song is for all of us. Let us be kind to others, and kind to ourselves. May we find strength in the Lord.

Much love, pili girl~

The Wonder Years...

"What would you do if I sang out of tune"....

Oh the blessed TV show, The Wonder Years. Definitely the days of innocence. Sometimes I wish the simple live of being young again with no worries or outside influence had any affect on what I chose to do on my day to day basis. I knew I was safe. I knew I was loved. Now - everyday is an adventure in itself. Struggles. Choices. Faith. Work. Life.

Sometimes it's hard to move forward when stupid mistakes from the past keep getting thrown in your face. When there's no support to help you rise above where you are. When you, yourself, are holding you back. When does breathing become easier? It doesn't.

At times, we just need to hold our breath and get through the smuck and crap.

Here's to the hopes of fresh air and filled lungs of hope and joy.

Paz~

Freedom and Struggles

This past weekend was long.We had our record APFT and although I was a bit nervous - I didn't quit and gave it my all.

My goals were:                          Actual:

p/u: 17 (60 pts)                            p/u: 33 (79 pts)
s/u: 45 (60 pts)                            s/u: 51 (66 pts)
2 mi: 20:30 (60 pts)                     2 mi: 18:58 (73 pts)
Total: 180 points                      Total: 218 points

I also passed my height/weight tapping with being 2% body fat under. I felt really good being able to pass everything. To be honest, I did A LOT better on the APFT than I thought I would. Especially since I ran the 2 mile run the day before and ran it in 20:19. So, to beat that time by 1 min and 21 seconds. I was ecstatic to pass my run by that much!

I realized that I felt "stuck" here in Idaho, and the truth is, "I" am the one holding myself back. And what I was holding myself back on was the height/weight and record APFT. Now that I've passed them, I feel very FREE. The only thing is - is deciding what I want to do, where I want to go and do it.

Now, to the struggles? Let's just say that everyone has struggles in their lives, and I, Super Pili, am no different. This past weekend, I was asked a few questions about deployment - blah, blah, blah, and a bunch of stuff is coming up from that. You'd think that once you've worked through emotions and issues that they would be gone, but it's not always the case. I wish there were more here in Idaho that kept me uplifted and supported. Oh well, such is my life.

And, to my battle (if you ever read this): keep your chin up. You have a lot to live for and people who love you. Stay alert, stay alive. Bac~

APFT up and coming...

Next weekend is a record APFT. I've been out of the exercise loop for quite some time, so my goals are to pass with at least 60 points in each section. Sad to say, but here are the goals:

P/U: 17
S/U: 45
2 mi: 20:30

Will take another PT test in June to see if I can improve it especially on a new grading scale. =)

A little bit of heart...

So... I know, it's been quite a while since I've written. To be honest, I think I've written in my journal just as often. (Kind of sad, yeah?)

Well, I'm still here in Idaho.

For those of you who don't know, I came back to Idaho the last part of July 2011 due to my military responsibilities that I had the first weekend of August. As much as I miss the islands and being with family, for some reason unknown to me, I am still here in Idaho. Every time I try to leave, something always keeps me here. Having said that, I posted this little video that makes me miss home and my massage therapy sister "Makanani".

This second video is by Anuhea. She graduated from Kamehameha Schools, the same school as me, but not sooooo many years ago. She's a talented artist. Not only that - I'm missing a friend of mine. Wishing him the best, my love, and that he comes home safely.

Going to school at Idaho State University - Idaho Falls Extension and am loving it so far. My classes are just GE, however, I love that I can relate to more of my classmates who are older, parents, working people etc.... Such is the life of a 30+ year old woman! LOL.

Anyway, I really do have a lot to write, however, I all of a sudden lost interest in typing. Ugh!

Hopefully, I'll blog again soon.

Much love, P~

Baby Blessings...

Well, when I get the chance, I'll be sure to post at least one of the pictures of a baby blessing. You see, I've been blessed to have a baby blessing... twice, in 8 days....

Last week on 26 May, I was holding my nephew at the beach. And, while I was putting sunscreen on him, he totally missed his "swimming" diaper he was wearing, and peed on my leg! Oh what joy! My sister-in-law laughed and said that I was blessed. :) My brother also laughed and said that it was the sound of the ocean that encouraged Paenoa to pee. ha ha ha

AND, tonight, I had Paenoa on my shoulders, when I smelled a dirty diaper. I asked Foeata if there was anything on my back or neck, because I felt a little "extra" warmth. She said that she couldn't see, but didn't see anything. I lifted the baby briefly and still - she saw nothing. So, Paenoa and I romped around for a little longer, and I took him down. Upon bringing the baby to the front, my eyes beheld... CRAP - oozing out the side of Paenoa's diapers. I wiped the the back of my neck and yep! Crap! On the back of my neck. (I was gagging!) I couldn't believe I had baby doo doo on my neck! I laughed so hard.

Anyway, it was a great evening... baby doo doo and all!

Happy Sunday!

Analea Brown AKA "Ms. Brown"

Let me first tell you how wonderful I think the Brown family is.

I first met the Brown family back in 2003 or so... and can I just say - they have always made me smile with their wonderful voices and talented musical abilities! They have always inspired me to seek out good music and to increase what gifts the Lord has given me... and, I found this video of Analea and pretty much put it on repeat everytime I listen to it. Her, just as talented sisters, Jasmine and Mena, are singing with her as well. 'Ofa atu.

Enjoy!