A Renewed Love....

I haven't really blogged heart things in a while. Why? I don't really know. Just haven't wanted to I guess. However, I've met someone who is getting to know me through my blog. These many years of blogging my feelings, the censored/uncensored life I've been living and experiencing have been pretty awesome. So, having said that I'll hopefully put more of me on here... growing up, current events etc.

Oh.... and here's a little more randomness... when I used to substitute for some of the faculty at BYU-I Recreation Management Department, I used to play fun/inspirational songs etc before we started class. This is one of the songs that I would sometimes play, but didn't show the video because they were "immodest". Bahahahaha.... (*just kidding.... sort of*). Anyway, it's one of my favorite upbeat songs and a groovy one at that. Hope you all like it.

As I've gone back and re-read some of these posts, I can't help but smile, laugh, cry at many of the things that were posted on here. I'm so thankful I was able to start this. It's been somewhat of an "online journal", as my brother Keoki once called it. This, I am thankful for because often I have not been putting my thoughts, happenings, feelings down in my regular journal.

I'm happy that I've found a renewed love of blogging/journaling, and sharing who I am. Let's face it - how else will others know about me, if I don't give them a reason or chance to do so.

Much love and light, P~

Still....

I'm still crazy about you. Happy Happy!


XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

More Songs...

I couldn't help but put a "small" playlist on here for you to look up at your own time and pace. I'm not being one-sided on this, but these songs remind me of everything you're going through. To be quite honest, all of these songs can be played and understood from all sides. I've felt them at one point or another.


I'm not afraid to be alone... I've done it for 33 years, and I still survive... thrive.... breathe.... live.... drive on. I'll be honest, I'm scared. Scared for many reasons that you know, and scared that one day - you'll get bored, or I'll get bored. That one day, you or I may not be enough. That one day, our worlds may drive us apart. That one day you may love me more than I love you. That one day I may love you more than you love me. All of these (cancel and delete)... are honest thoughts that have crossed my mind and my heart.


Do you remember when I told you that I had to strip down all the labels.... expectations.... religion.... family.... friends..... and find out who I was at the core? Do you remember that you brought that up and what the other person's response was? It seems that since that time... things have gone down hill. The fear in the eyes... in the response that was given. Is all of this worth it? At the end of the day... do you know who you are? Without the labels? Without the expectations? Without me? Just you, at the center of your core.... have you found you? Do you need some time to yourself to continue that journey?


All avenues have to be exhausted, left knowing that everything was given and a conscious choice was/is made. If I wasn't here - would you still be where you are? What are the reasons you're where you are? Look deep.... uninhibited. Place responsibilities where they truly are. Switch roles. Take a look. How does it feel? What looks different? Can you love the outcomes? What will you say to the other young loves of your life?


Sometimes the hardest thing to do with making choices, is not so much having a plan, or even making the choice.... it's the outcome. The unexpected hurt.... animosity.... grief.... wondering who's to blame.... what to do.


I hope these songs serve as the devil's advocate for all sides...




Should've Kissed You - Chris Brown (Reminds me of the last day at the airport)
What Hurst the Most - Rascal Flatts
Lips of An Angel - Hinder
Without You - Hinder
Somebody's Heartbreak - Hunter Hayes
Long Distance Love - J Boog
Keep it to Yourself - Kacey Musgraves
Just a Kiss - Lady Antebellum
Tell Him - Lauryn Hill
Can't Take My Eyes off of You - Lauryn Hill
Ex-Factor - Lauryn Hill
Hard to Love - Lee Brice
Easy - Lionel Richie
On Your Side of the Bed - Little Big Town
Over You - Miranda Lambert
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Remind Me - Brad Paisley
Beat This Summer - Brad Paisley
Need You Now (How Many Times) - Plumb (This song got me through a lot)
Easy - Natasha Bedingfield & Rascal Flatts
I Need Your Love - Pentatonix
You Da One - Rihanna
Ice Cream - Sarah McLauchlan (Fun/cute song)
Come & Get It - Selena Gomez
It Won't Stop - Sevyn Streete
Ride - SoMo
***Tonight*** - SoMo (I'm in love with this song) *WARNING - potty mouth word on 2nd verse*
Eyes Open - Taylor Swift
Right Love, Wrong Time - Anuhea
Come Over Love - Anuhea
Not ready to Make Nice - Dixie chicks
Best Thing I Never Had - Beyoncé
XO - Beyoncé
I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz
Wasting All These Tears - Cassadee Pope
Fallin' for You - Colbie Caillat
Favorite Song - Colbie Caillat
Constant Craving - K.D. Lang
Slow Motion - Karina
Ready For Love - India.Arie
Dear No One - Tori Kelly
Not a Bad Thing - Justin Timberlake
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt
Got 2 Luv You - Sean Paul
Knock You Down - Keri Hilson
Nobody's Perfect (Acoustic Version) - Jessie J
Who You Are (Acoustic Version) - Jessie J
I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack


I know more songs will follow. I just needed to get the rollercoaster playlist of my emotions out in the open.


XOXOXO

Sunday Morning.....

Lady A

Some songs you wish you could have written yourself, but someone sometimes just puts it together better. Will fill everyone in on the happenings in my life.  However, for now - y'all will have to deal with my musical journal. Lol

Love and light, P-

Feel good song....

Here's a great song! One Love to all.

Easy On The Eyes.....

.... Thank you for saying something .... 

Little Fairies...

If you look closely - you can see a few fairies hanging around the plant. Pretty neat.

Love and light.

Healing and Transitioning...

These past few months have been very healing as I've transitioned into being self-employed and ventured into a new, better, and an evolving me.

It's interesting how a single dance can also help to heal a transition.

A few weekends ago was my military ball. I didn't want to go by myself this year, so I asked a friend of mine to go. He is a wonderful person with life experiences one hopes to never have to go through. He's been such a pinnacle person in my life who has helped to "heal my heart", as one of my Spirit Guides once pointed out. LOL

Point is - we danced. I healed. I feel whole again.

In transitioning, the things I've become aware of are:

1. Identifying my strengths and weaknesses; and knowing that they don't make me a bad or horrible person. They are simply tools to help me see where I can be better, for myself, and move forward.

2. Identifying my "issues". Most people think that "issues" are such a negative word and negative connotation. Thing is - an "issue" is just something identified that I can work on. Something to overcome, to heal from, to feel through, to process, to allow.

3. Being vulnerable. Oh my - being vulnerable is something that has definitely been part of my transition this year. Being vulnerable emotionally has really opened my heart and allowed healing to take place on so many levels. Healing from past lives, resentments, self sabotage, insecurities.... and to allow others into my life who will facilitate and assist with those changes. Being vulnerable is about allowing others to see all areas of my life - the good, bad, right, wrong, no matter how beautiful or ugly it may seem to us, and to know that it's okay.

4. Allowing. This is really the biggest thing I'm currently working on for myself - to "Allow". Allowing the love and abundance to flow from the Creator. To "allow" the healing to take place in my life. To "allow" the energy from the Creator to help me be better. To "allow" myself to shed the tears and feel the emotions that may surface. To "allow" the changes in my life to happen and to trust the Creator knows the right timing.

5. Trust. Trusting others. Trusting the Creator. Trusting the process of evolving and enlightenment. At times, this can be the hardest thing to do.

These, my dearest friends and family - are part of healing and transitioning.

A Quick Note of Gratitude

It would be a shame if I didn't take the time to express my gratitude for my blessings.

Since the end of June - my life has opened up and I have been blessed greatly from the Creator. I've been able to work on myself and to notice and discover the things in my life that were not serving me in the highest and best, and was able to change them, and AM in the process of continuously changing and improving. I'll have to share a little later some of my experiences.

I feel like I've finally joined my life, and I am grateful.